Feet First - On Jumping Into Lake Washington

On Wednesday, my husband and I were invited by our good friends to join them on a sail boat ride. She had won an auction item the year before to have a 6 person dinner and wine event and was finally getting a chance to enjoy it. The day was amazing - sunny, warm, not a huge breeze (which wasn't great for sailing, but it would open up later in the night). A few hours into the wonderful trip, the opportunity to go swimming was brought up. Of course I hadn't been planning on swimming and did not bring any bathing suit. However, this did not stop me from jumping in. Below are the thoughts that were bouncing around my head as I enjoyed the lovely late night dip....

I screamed a bit as I crashed into the water. It wasn't out of fear though, as one may imagine occurs when jumping off a boat into the evening shadows. Oh no. This noise, screech really, erupted from my body out of exhilaration.Pure joy.

Maybe it was the 4ish glasses of wine (1 champagne, 1 white, 2.5 reds) that had me readily agreeing to jumping into the middle of Lake Washington at 9:30pm in my jeans and bra. Or maybe it was the acknowledgement that this type of event - sporadic - would most likely not occur anytime soon. And as I made my way to the front of the boat, my comrades cheering me on in varying degrees of support, I launched myself off the front of the beautiful sailboat and into the deep waters below.

Calm.

After regaining my breath from the initial shock of wet and gradually getting used to my jeans sticking to me, I began to float and tread. The few conversations from my boat-mates - how cold is it? how do you feel? I can't believe you are wearing your jeans! - gradually fell away as they went back to the wine and I was left alone.  But I felt serene. I was letting the weeks of stress, uncertainty and anger extend out of me and float away as I listened to the hum of distant boats off the water.

I literally felt like it was melting - I carry so much weight from the world on my body that the weightless sensation, 172 feet from the bottom of the floor, took me to a place of serenity. Think Happy Gilmore's "happy place".

Of course the voices from the boat came back and my friend, a much better and fitter planner than I, joined me in her bathing suit to swim along.

She had a similar reaction. The sense of peace and quiet - even though technically we were surrounded by people and noise, it held this private sanctuary for the soul; albeit briefly. There have been few times in life I've ever felt that calm: The Notre Dame Cathedral in Montreal, Canada; The Seven Sacred Pools of Hana in Maui, Hawaii; the top of the bell tower in Siena, Italy. And now, in the middle of Lake Washington, late at night, 172 feet from the bottom of the lake floor.

Rome...and why you should go.

The Colosseum

My man and I went on a 10 day European vacation with 3 days in Rome and the rest on a Mediterranean cruise. I had been to Rome 10 years ago (and various other cities in Italy) and was very much looking forward to returning. If you are in need of a few reasons to convince yourself or others on why you should take time to go here...let me share with you my top 5. 

1. The history. My love told me he didn't want to do anything touristy in Rome. He wanted to drink with the locals and relax. It took less than 4 hours for him to completely change his tune. We found the Colosseum, paid the 20 euro, and had an amazing time. We walked along the cobblestone streets and ran into countless historical sites. Our package included a 3 hour walking tour with the Vatican, the Pantheon, and the Trevi Fountain...and with the exception that the bus that took us there did not bring us back to the hotel, he had a great time. Soak up the BC and AD vibes that is intertwined in this huge city.

 

2. Architecture. Much like history is everywhere, so to is amazing architecture. Greeks, Romans, temples, aqueducts...you name it, it's here. And it is awe inspiring.

3. Art. It is the epicenter of art. When you walk into a church in the US, you have some lovely pieces. When you walk into a church in Rome, prepare yourself for hundreds of paintings, sculptures, mosaics, and crosses. It's nearly overwhelming. Or you can just walk into one of the galleries. Just think of the ninja turtles...you'll find it in Rome. 

4. The people. The hubs and I wandered in to Oratorio Bistrot and found some of the most welcoming group of people I've ever met. My broken Italian got a few smiles and a return with pretty good English. They suggested tourist spots and nightlife...and to come back to them when possible! So we did :-) Their new restaurant was lovely and the food and wine delicious! I have not had one rude experience in Rome and think their spirit is a great reason to visit!

5. The food. True, this image is of espresso, limoncello, and wine. It was the end of the meal :-) Realizing that they want you to order in courses (meat, pasta, vegetable) makes it easier to understand that the chicken you ordered is coming alone (I definitely did that and had to order asparagus to compensate). But the pasta...the sauce...I would gain pounds living off of it. I ate at 5 different restaurants (bars) and did not have a terrible experience. The hardest part was choosing one because there are so many...

Do not miss out on gelato either!!!

The history, architecture, art, people and food are my top 5 reasons to go to Rome. I'm sure there are others, maybe with more depth and detail. But honestly, I believe Rome is one of those places that can speak for itself.

So what are you waiting for... Rome + Florence

On Living Life

On a beach in Hawaii, 2009

 My new husband is extremely work oriented. Forging a path in his career to put him on the right course to success is his number one priority. And where I support and respect his dedication to finding a job that is fulfilling and meets his ambitious needs, I sometimes have a hard time understanding it. Don't get me wrong, I want to live "The American Dream" (or what's left of it) as much as the next gal. But I have this desire to expand my horizons and inner happiness another way...by living as much as possible.

With my aunt passing away suddenly, finishing my master's degree, and getting married all happening within 3 months of each other, I've had a hard time digesting what it is that makes me happy. What is it that makes life worth living each day? I'm sure there is a mathematical way to figure this out. But since I am pretty bad at math, I've deduced three possibilities simply based on what I've experienced and learned so far.

1. Do something you love full time. This is the "find a job you enjoy" philosophy. It's not easy, I can tell you. Finding a job you love that pays well isn't always a possibility. Finding a job that isn't shite usually gets a "whoo hoo" in our current economy. But if you can find this position. This magical occupation that actually makes it easy to wake up at 6am and head to work...hold on to it with 2 hands and don't let go!!!

If you can't, I give you:
2. Hobbies! Get some! Join a club. Join a gym. Knit. Play a sport. Go to quiz nights at local pubs. Start an evening out club with friends. Start a game night. Blog. Play music. Listen to music. Travel (which is also number 3). Check out classes at your community center. Zumba. Join a parenting group. Anything to get your mind off the daily grind and the job you may not love. I personally have a few I love doing and I've met amazing people from them. There is something to be said in enjoying the fact that you can do fun things - even little things...

And 3 to living a full life...
TRAVEL! It doesn't need to be far. It doesn't have to be expensive. But getting out of your town/city and checking out what other places have to offer is eye opening and refreshing. It can recharge you. We spend so much time attached to our computers, our jobs, this compact life we can't stuff anything else in...that we just don't. Make a deal with yourself to get the hell out of your cage! Take a mini-break to the ocean...or that cute little B&B 5 towns over. Travel abroad for a few days/weeks/months if you can do it, and immerse yourself in the culture.

Life is truly amazing. Ferris Bueller said it best: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it."  A job is time consuming - so find something you enjoy (or can at least tolerate). Hobbies let us do and be who we are - it adds a little something to your week beyond "work, eat sleep". Find something you find fun and do it! And travel beyond your town - it lets you see things you don't normally see and meet people you normally wouldn't have met. Dream big here! You can learn a lot by hoping on a train/plane/or in a car...

Of course, these are just my opinions and I know there's a bigger, deeper philosophical conversation at work here, as well. But for me and my personal reflection to what makes my life fulfilling...these are the things I cherish most (with the exception of family...but that's another story). Please feel free to let me know what you would add to the list!

An Ode to My Aunt

On March 17th, 2013, my aunt, Marianne Riccitelli, passed away from complications due to cancer. I hadn't really spoken or seen her or my uncle in over a year. Living 3000 miles away, getting my master's degree, planning a wedding, dealing with life out here...you forget mortality. Aunts should not pass away until they are 100+. But life doesn't always give us what we want (or need). We endure. But the pain of the loss, of not seeing or speaking to her about what's been going on...it weighs on my soul. 

I went online to find her obituary. The disease that ate away at her body sadly ate away at her heart and this vibrant woman chose to spend her final days in solitude, asking to have no memorial or service. Greater heartache. I can not go home to pay my respects. Not yet, anyway. I go home for my wedding June 21st - there will definitely be a visit. We will definitely have a good conversation. But until then...

I searched the internet today. 

In grief we forget that the lives of our loved ones are bigger than we think they are. I have known Marianne for years and have thought of her as my aunt since I was 10. She's been living in my uncle's house since I was 8. I'm 30 now. That is why I will not be insulted that my family was left out of the obituary. It's not as if we saw her family more than a few times over the last 15 years. Instead, I will add to what I think is a good start for an amazing woman. (You can read the original here):


Marianne "Sis" Riccitelli passed away on Sunday, March 17th at Yale New Haven Hospital. She was born October 19, 1956 to her amazing parents John and Ann (Ruscyk) Riccitelli. She leaves behind her nieces Robyn Riccitelli (GA) and Kendal Sasso (WA), and nephews John Riccitelli (GA),  Ricky Riccitelli (NZ), Jason Sasso (CT) and David Sasso (CT). Her loving partner of 18+ years, Jay Sasso (CT), brother John "Ricky" Riccitelli (NZ), Rob and Deb Riccitelli (FL), in-laws Arthur and Jennifer Sasso (CT) and a multitude of dear friends and loved ones. 

Marianne loved life. She was passionate, caring, and would open her home and heart to those in need. If you had the pleasure to meet her, the impression she made was unforgettable. She enjoyed a good glass of wine, a walk on the beach, conversations with friends and proudly sharing stories of her family. She loved her dogs and cats, reading novels, listening to music, and working at Nicks Place. Her laughter was infectious and her spirit unwavering.To be loved by Marianne was to know true warmth as she would pull out all the stops to make you happy. To say she will be missed is an understatement for those lucky enough to have her as part of their lives. Marianne's passing is a loss not soon to be filled. Her thoughts, feelings, attitude...her life, will always be remembered by those touched by her. 

I definitely borrowed a few pieces of the original - though obviously there are some differences. I never knew Marianne to be religious. We never prayed before meals. We never went to church. I think she believed in God, but I like being "religion-neutral". She liked to drink. She liked to smoke. She loved to laugh. She wanted to boast about her nieces and nephews and show the latest pictures. She wanted to feed you things you liked to eat and hear all about what was going on in your world. She wanted to reinforce how much she loved you (I never doubted) verbally and physically. I loved her hugs. I miss my aunt.

Sometimes we don't realize just how truly amazing our family members are and the role they play in other people's lives. I needed this for everyone/anyone to know Marianne Riccitelli was our family - she was part Sasso. The drinking, smoking, swearing, loud parts :-)  Definitely and proudly, I called her my aunt. 

Until we meet again....



 

A Lesson From a Local Business

When I first met Steve, the owner of Harried and Hungry, he showed up with a huge tray of wraps and sandwiches to sample...but forgot the mayo. And mustard. And napkins. This was October of 2009. You would think this would detract from the food, but it did not. He drove to his shop and came back within 20 minutes with a sincere apology and a bunch of 10% off coupons. Even though his kitchen staff most likely forgot the condiments and he could have sent a driver, he took responsibility for his business. And I respected that.

I've had a great relationship with Harried and Hungry ever since. They are one of the few companies I recommend and talk about online. Their food is remarkably delicious (I start to salivate thinking about their house salad!) and the owners are wonderful. Sadly, Steve passed away at the young age of 40 last year, but his family continues on the tradition of amazing service and delicious food. This is what I've learned from them.

1. We're human, mistakes happen. Own it. Steve was trying to win my business that first day. Showing up with a tray of sandwiches without the condiments wasn't exactly planned. He apologized and corrected the situation as fast as possible. He also took responsibility. I could have dismissed them and found another company, but to be fair, the food was exceptional. That combined with his quick response and willingness to fix it kept me loyal to them.

2. Being flexible is a must. Since that fateful day, I have ordered many a breakfast and lunch from HH - and sometimes an issue arises. I thought I ordered 10 lunches and 8 show up. We're missing the mayo/mustard. I only ordered 8 lunches when I need 10! I don't know too many owners who will come to your aid as soon as you need it, but this company does. I assume Hazel is the owner. She and her husband will take detours (or simply leave the office) to drop off whatever is missing. And not in an hour or two after the call - but within 30 minutes. They deliver so punctually (if not earlier) that no one but Hazel and I know that the VP might not have received their Cobb salad. If they weren't flexible to situations, they would not be as amazing as they are.

3. Attitude is everything. Hazel has been taking my order since we started using Harried and Hungry in 2009. And she is utterly delightful. With her calm demeanor and easy to talk to personality, I honestly look forward to having to book lunches only because I get to call her. Why? Because she isn't fake. No, seriously, she is sincere. She cares about her customers. She will call once every few months if we haven't ordered just to check in. She calls after a big order to make sure everything arrived on time and was ok. When I got her lost trying to find the random boat house we had our sales meeting in, she still smiled at me when she got out of the car, gave me the 6 lunches I didn't order on time, and asked if everything was ok. She should teach a customer service class. Maybe it's because she enjoys what she does or maybe she has the patience of a saint. Either way, from her I've learned staying calm, listening to the situation and being prepared lead to a happy attitude - and a happy customer.

I'm an advocate for this company because they serve delicious food and have wonderful customer service. They constantly wow our in-coming clients and my team loves that the food they ordered is here on time and in earth friendly packaging. But I respect them for their continued pursuit of making people happy. The quality shows all around and has been consistent, if not progressively better, since I met them way back that first day. We need companies to embrace, even small ones, that remind us that their are amazing people out there doing a great job. Also realizing the lessons they teach us is just an added bonus.

If you live in/near Seattle and haven't tried them, I highly recommend stepping into their cafe' or ordering from their catering menu. And if you do, tell Hazel Kendal says hello! 

Learning from the Past

In February of 2009, I was laid off from my first full time job after three years. The depression was taking its toll. My boyfriend and I had just broken up (and ultimately got back together) and my family was 3000 miles away. I accepted a position I didn't feel good about but assumed I needed to take because any job was better than living off of unemployment. But I was wrong. I was humbled and shaken to my core. But I moved on.

This month marks my three year anniversary at my current position. I hit a few hills and valleys, but for the most part am moving forward and learning to accept and embrace who I'm becoming. What that is, to be honest, I'm still not 100% sure of. But this is what I've accepted to help me get where I'm going:

1. Don't stop being amazed - our world, as crazy and as awful as it can get, is still utterly amazing. It's round and revolves so fast we don't even realize it. The sky turns all sorts of colors, there are millions of creatures on it and we're all unique. It can be so impressive if you let it.

2. Embrace your hobbies - work is great (especially if you enjoy what you do), but you shouldn't let your occupation define you. For example, when I'm not a marketing rep, I'm a soccer playing, guitar strumming, karaoke singing, race running, Jane Austen nut...and proud of it.

3. Don't settle - it's worse than failing. If your gut tells you it's time to move on, grab lunch, listen again, and evaluate where your next move should be.

4. Don't be afraid to fail - it shouldn't be taken lightly, mind you, but it's not the end of the world. Unless you're playing with something that could lead to the end of the world...and then maybe you should proceed with caution and get 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions. If I find myself in that position, I promise to do the same.

5. Ask for help - parents, friends, mentors, bosses. For the most part, people have no problem lending a hand, offering advice, reviewing your thesis - but don't make them a crutch. And it is your job to follow through, not theirs.

I know there are others and maybe I'm missing a big one - but I'm not opposed to receiving advice. Learned something through your years of experience? Leave a note!

Aggressive by Default? Questioning Violence in Recreational Sports

She held the clump of hair triumphantly above her head while coaches, team mates, and fans clapped and laughed in enjoyment. A trophy unlike any other wrapped around her fingers...

This was during the middle, and consequently end, of my women's open league soccer match on Sunday afternoon in West Seattle. A predominantly Mexican league, I've seen more fans and family come to these soccer games than I ever had at my division 3 college matches back in PA. The crowd plays a particular part in this event, which is why I bring them up. This was my third game on this team and the parents and friends here create a fun atmosphere. Our first two matches were blow outs...we won by a minimum of 4 goals each game. I was brought in by a friend to make the team more competitive and I agreed to join, even though I already play in an indoor league Sunday nights. I figured more exercise, practice...I don't really understand what the coach is saying because he coaches in Spanish, but the girls translate for me and the other one or two non-Spanish speaking players. It's been fun and I always enjoy playing more soccer.

Before I left last week, I was told that the team we would play this week would be a challenge. Definitely more skilled and more aggressive...I didn't think much of it. We had just picked up a new keeper, a sweeper, and a center who controls the ball with ease. Unfortunately for us, the center got the flu, the sweeper sprained her ankle, and the keeper would have to pass. The center happens to double for every position on the field, so she took her sick self and put on a goalkeeper's jersey. For this match, at her request, I would play sweeper (the sweeper is the last defensive player back).

And so the game started. These girls were definitely more aggressive than previous teams. Ranging from ages 18 - 35, most of the team was young with minimal skill, but with 2 or 3 decent players. I took a rather tough (and what I would call a foul but the referee chose otherwise) and angry push within the first few minutes of the game and decided it would be in my best interest to play a little smarter than I had. The BS's (the initials of their team name, of course) as well as our team (the TN's), appeared to be talkative at times. There were a few fouls and hard hits on both sides - but not to the point where I was worried. I've been playing 20+ years and I've seen quite a few disputes. But going into halftime with a 0-0 score, I wasn't feeling like something bad was going to happen.

On the contrary, I was too busy getting translated at half time to the team on what "goal side" meant to really take notice of any side conversations or trash talking. So we started the 2nd half - and we started really well. We were pushing up, having less attacks on the defense (i.e. me). A few more elbows or shoves didn't really matter if the ball didn't end up in our goal. I did have a minor altercation with my own team mate...we had a difference of opinion of what an outside midfielder was supposed to do. After some words between us, the coach made a quick decision and moved her up to forward. Believe it or not, this is where the issue started. Seems she wanted to score, badly, by going through the opposite team. Forcefully. This starts the first issue.

* Please note that as the sweeper, I'm standing at the center circle where the kick off occurs. This fight is going to take place around the corner of the 18 yd box closest to my bench. It's a good 30 yds away.*

I saw her ejection coming. Most people don't argue with the sweeper. If a sweeper says run - you run. If they say come back and cover - you do so. A sweeper has complete vision of the field, they usually know best...so when she argued with me on coming back, I figured she may have a teensy attitude problem. And she did. After a foul was called against her for attempting to kick through the opposing team, words were spoken rather loudly and the next thing I know, she's throwing punches. The other girl threw a punch or two for good measure, but by now the referee had come and thrown 2 red cards at both of them.

This should have been the end of argument. There must have been something I missed during the game...something my team mate had said or done that made the next strike the breaking point. Or maybe not. Fresh from being carded and mad as hell, my team mate is being mostly pulled off by one of our girl's - A. As A is pulling mouthy girl off the field, the other team is still shouting at them and staying rather close. As the referee turns away to make sure the opposing team's red carded girl gets off the field, a slap or push of some sort happens behind his back towards my team mates. At 21, I probably/possibly would have done what A did, which was turn around and swing back. At 28, eh...I don't want to get in a cat fight. Unfortunately what was about to come was definitely not a cat fight. As soon as A turned and took a swing at the girl, the forward from the BS's (who was probably only 5-8 yds away from me and had been watching the whole time) made a B line for A and proceeded to whale on her.

At first, I found it surreal. My older brother once did that in a high school game. His friend was playing forward while he was playing sweeper. He saw his friend get slide tackled intentionally and the kid who did it got a yellow card. However, my brother felt that was not enough justice and proceeded to run 30 yds and punch the kid in the face...he was 18. It was stupid. I saw that girl sprint toward the fight and thought, "wow, she's stupid". The difference is my game is a recreational game with one referee. I don't remember the ref blowing his whistle uncontrollably when this fight occurred. I don't remember the referee at all, to be honest, and that's sad. Where the hell was the referee??? As I watched this unfold 20 yards in front of me, the other team's bench came on the field. I thought they were attempting to pull the girls off one another. I mentioned earlier, this league is a family affair. It would make sense. But no, what I saw next shocked me into disbelief. They weren't helping the situation, they were aiding in the assault.

I watched a good 20 seconds before it finally seeped in that these parents, coaches and friends, both male and female, were jumping and kicking my team mate on the ground. My team's parents and coaches were pulling smaller fights apart, trying desperately to get to the middle but consistently running into fists, kicks, and aggression. When I finally made my way around the outside, I saw a woman, probably in her 40's, kicking and stepping on the back of my team mate. I grabbed her from behind and pulled her off screaming, "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?" GET OFF THE FIELD! I forget how high my voice gets when I'm upset. I started yelling at the crowd in my own personal hysteria to get the f*kc off the field. I finally got to the middle and pulled off the sister of A who began screaming at me that that was her sister down there. I tried to explain while pulling her up that all I saw was her on the ground getting kicked, as well, and by the time we turned around, A had made it off the field and her attacker, the small forward who booked it across the field to start the fight, had her hand high above her head, waving around A's hair like a prize, to what seemed like entertainment to her fans.

I haven't slept well the past two nights. In my head, I replay the event with different scenarios. What if one of the times I knocked down (legally, mind you) that small forward and she retaliated against me? Her father was the coach, one of the men who made it a point to hit A - what if that mob came for me? Or what if once I saw that forward running to join the fight, I pulled her up short. It doesn't do well to dwell, I know. But there was something about this fight, the way it went down, and the outcome. Why would that girl be proud about ripping out someone's hair? She missed an open shot. Her team didn't win. They're more likely to be removed from the league due to the police report that was issued. I can't make sense of it and that's probably why it makes me so anxious.

Violence off and on the field has been reported for years now. Parents at pee wee football and hockey matches, fans getting in fights at professional sporting events. Hell, hooligans in soccer are well noted across the world...not so much in the USA, but most other countries. What drives us to the point of violence? What makes a game turn into a brawl? We're supposed to be civilized, right? There are rules to the game to keep everyone in line - so what is it that makes us so ugly? What draws the spectator so passionately into the sport?

If you google "violence in youth sports", hundreds of articles come up. It occurs - sometimes less than reported, sometimes more - in all types of events with all types of people. There are studies about youth sports making children poor sports, parents becoming too obsessive and fanatical, officials not doing enough to restrict the amount of fouls in the game. There are quite a lot of issues in something that was created for children to be fun. Wasn't it? Sport historically wasn't necessarily for fun, but for honor and sometimes survival. So does our aggression come from a primitive spot in our brains that holds on to the instinct to win at all cost?

Truthfully, I don't know. I'm sure there are psychological studies done that can be googled, as well. What I do know is what I witnessed on Sunday, February 20th, 2011, was an ugliness that people have to do harm onto others when retaliation isn't necessary. The team mate who threw the first punch was wrong. The girl who retaliated was wrong, as well. A, trying to walk the team mate off the field should have jogged away from the pushing, or yelled for the referee to turn. She should not have tried to punch or push the girl back. And the stupid girl - the one who ran 20 yards to brawl - was the worst of them all. All she did was advocate for violence on a pitch made for goals and passes and teamwork. She may feel victorious in her battle against an opponent. She may win the cheers of a psychologically unstable crowd. But she lost a piece of the game I'm sure she loved. She definitely lost a sense of self and the knowledge between right and wrong. Sadly, I doubt she'll realize it. I honestly think that because she won, because her hair wasn't ripped out and she wasn't beaten by a crowd that she'll be more likely to throw a punch faster the next time. She'll make excuses she was defending her friend. She'll find a reason for the violence and the use of it. She'll forget she was trying to score a goal, not defend someone's honor. And this cycle will continue. This insanity will proceed to move forward with very little checking.

The Misconstrued Perception of Facebook

I have had a hell of a start to my new year. First, my grandmother dies unexpectedly at the age of 74...almost a year to the date of when her mother, who was 94, passed away. I live 3000 miles away from my family and hadn't seen granny since my nana's funeral. So besides the demon's that I'm personally dealing with there...there's also the small implication of finding out from my friend, as opposed to my parent's, that my grandmother passed. How, do you wonder aloud, is that possible? Facebook. My younger brother posted "RIP Granny" on his facebook page which showed up on my friend's page who I happened to call after work that particular day. It was a rather short phone call before I called my parent's house in CT only to find out, in better detail, what had happened. My 22 year old brother was not alone - apparently my 29 year old cousin, also male, did the same exact thing. Both were asked by one of my aunt's to immediately take it down, both felt insulted and left it on their page. I am still dealing with the death of my grandmother - and have found it hard to explain to my younger brother...and ultimately my father, why he was in the wrong.

And now it's Saturday, February 12, 2011. One month after I flew back to Maryland to say good-bye to my grandmother. Typical Saturday morning - I'm checking out my personal email and facebook, catching up with what's going on, and that same male cousin who posted a comment on my granny's death BEFORE everyone knew about it posted the message "rushing to york hospital". His father has been sick for a while...but nothing that needs to be rushed. At least not that I'm aware of...so panic sets in. This horror that I'm going to find out tragic news again via Facebook has me calling home without realizing I'm dialing the numbers. My uncle is in ICU with a bleeding brain. Well, I believe they've stopped the bleeding. And they're not sure if the left side of his body will remain paralyzed or if it's temporary that with physical therapy, can be helped. Should I be happy that by checking the internet first, I found out my uncle is gravely ill. My parents were waiting until 6pm to tell me (as opposed to when I called at 5) that my grandmother died because they knew I would be at work and wanted me to be in a place where I wouldn't have to drive. Considering I bawled the entire way home while having moments of hyperventilating, probably good instincts on my parents. Unfortunately, technology squashed their intentions...damnit.

I read the message on Facebook a few hours after it was posted. My mom had received the information on my uncle about 20 minutes before I called. Information moves fast. Her brother is terribly ill and I gave her no time to process what she learned because I had no information and felt like I was behind on what was happening. Once upon a time, I wouldn't have been upset that I wasn't in the immediate loop. My parents would have told me when they could tell me and I would have inevitably found out what was going on. This curse of finding out bad news in the most informal way is weighing. People take for granted just what they write and how they write it. These are family members I've known for 28 years. Why do I want to find out on a generic message board that something terrible has happened? I don't. I really, really don't.

"With great power comes great responsibility"

Facebook isn't a nuclear weapon. Twitter will not be curing cancer and blogs, as much as they may try, will not be knocking down buildings. However, people flock to these messaging mediums to "express" their innermost feelings or private thoughts with little regard to the other people it effects. What is it in our psych that makes us tell everyone we know at once very intense information? What happened to the phone call? or at least an individual email or letter? Spiderman's uncle was right - the information that we know, especially private or family sensitive, is a responsibility. Gone are the days of letting those closest know first. Now it's the simplicity of sending out information or the need for a response that pushes us, or in my case, others, to announce everything.

In some ways, posting this is no different from what my cousin and brother did. I'm announcing my grief and frustration to strangers and acquaintances because of my disdain for the instant message. My only difference is my grandmother has passed and information on my uncle's condition has been relayed to his siblings BEFORE this blog will ever post. How it ought to be. How we should be taught to use computer mediated communication...

Fox News - Unfair and Unbalanced - Essay #2

Written for: Social Dynamics of Communication Technology 509-A2, Gonzaga University, Dr. Alex Kuskis
Essay #2 - February 11, 2011

Recently, I had the pleasure of watching "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism", directed by Robert Greenwald (2004). The documentary was created to showcase how Fox News delivers their broadcasts. Though their slogan claims "Fair and Balanced" news, their objectivity and partiality for most things republican seeps through rather loudly. The abuse of information and repeat disrespect to guest speakers and officials shows a need for stronger regulations in regards to distributing the news. Opinions pawned off as facts, (i.e. Fox news reporters use of the phrase "some people say", as opposed to saying "we at Fox think" or "I believe" which is prominent throughout the Greenwald's film) should be eliminated from television and a refocus on delivering information adhered to. Unfortunately, since this will not occur anytime soon, I propose that Fox News change their slogan to a more appropriate description as to convey to the public exactly the type of information they are receiving.

The Fox News slogan, "Fair and Balanced" is a misleading statement delivered by the station. According to Webster's Online Dictionary(2011), the term fair means, "marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism". The term balanced means, "equality between the totals of the two sides of an account". There are multiple examples to choose from on Greenwald's documentary that contradict their statement based on the definitions of these words. Whether it's pulling Democratic guests who have a tendency to lean right on hot topics or belittling and degrading causes because they don't fall into what the GOP is currently petitioning (such as the war on Iraq), their reports can be considered biased. According to Terry McDermott (2010), "No reasonable person would sincerely deny that Fox has a bias favoring Republicans, and conservative Republicans especially. Even Fox used to admit as much. When he started the network, Ailes was straightforward in talking about his desire to redress what he saw as ideological bias in the mainstream media. He wanted to address the same “silent majority” his old boss Richard Nixon had sought to serve." With such strong examples to prove Fox News is not completely fair and balanced, one possible slogan change is "Fox News - Balancing Fairly Republican Opinions".

In a society that is fed information through multiple streams - internet websites, television newscasts (locally, nationally, internationally), radio, newspapers/magazines, word of mouth - it is important that "fair and balanced" news is delivered honestly. Fox News abuses this term and undoubtedly does so with little regard to what public perception is. Reviewing the examples listed previously (and acknowledging by this author that there are many more cases that could be analyzed, though recommends watching "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism" to fully comprehend how extreme their reach is), my short argument remains that to truly deliver fair and balanced news, one must be impartial. Since Fox News refuses to be impartial, and have admitted to leaning right in the past, they should make the statement of what they stand for and stop lying to their viewers.

References:

Balanced. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Retrieved February 11, 2011, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/balanced

Fair. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Retrieved February 11, 2011, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fair

Greenwald, R. (Producer and Director). (2004) Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's war on journalism [Motion picture]. United States: The Disinformation Company.

McDermott, T. (2010). Dumb like a fox. Columbia Journalism Review, March/April 2010, 26-32.

Finding Love on the Internet - A Reversal in Personal Stance, Essay #1

Written for: Social Dynamics of Communication Technology 509-A2, Gonzaga University, Dr. Alex Kuskis
Essay #1 - January 27, 2011

I am in the middle of an experiment. As I write this, I am also creating an online dating profile for match.com. According to Wikipedia, Match.com currently has over 20 million users with a 49/51 male to female ratio in more than 25 countries (retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match.com). Match.com rates very high on different user-rated websites, including the number one spot on www.top10bestdatingsites.com.

"Online dating sites have revolutionized over the years and online singles dating has now become a popular dating choice for intelligent, professional single men and women seeking companionship, relationships and marriage. Online dating sites and singles sites have been modernized with a variety of fun tools for singles to use, creating excellent singles matches and subsequently resulting in much higher dating success rates. " (retrieved from http://www.top10bestdatingsites.com/).

I never found myself drawn to participating in online dating sites. First, I've been in monogamous relationships the majority of my adult life. Even as I fill out the multi-page questionnaire that has asked me everything from religious preference and current income to whether or not I want my potential suitor to be interested in participating in the same activities together, my boyfriend of five years is sound asleep in the other room. I met him in a bar through a mutual friend in downtown Seattle. My previous long term boyfriend I met in college - we were in the same dorm together freshman year and lasted for three and a half years. Second, when wanting to find a significant other, I've had the time to devote to meeting and establishing relationships by more traditional means. I've had relative success in bars and clubs, as well as through friends who have set me up. It was my understanding that the methods I use can be applied to everyone. I admit that I generalized/stereo-typed the American public.

However, I now realize that the Internet today is merely facilitating relationships much the same way that newspapers did in the personal ads over the last 3+ decades (Thurlow, p. 139). The added advantage now is that these relationships can be maintained online with visual tools (like photos or skype) which can help determine whether or not to continue in the interpersonal relationship. According to psychologist Patricia Wallace, men and women tend to form romantic relationships online because they do the following (Thurlow, 129-130):

1. Create the promise of future interaction - the feeling of anticipation chatting to someone online is/can be similar to seeing someone in real life.

2. Birds of a feather - with match.com, I was able to find people with similar interests pretty easily. I check boxed the things I like and others do the same. The ability to connect with "like-minded people" is a huge bonus that goes beyond the cliched "I like long walks on the beach and bubble baths".

3. Self esteem and humor - just because it's online, doesn't mean there aren't compliments and flirting. The sense of confidence that comes when someone talks about what they like about you translates both verbally and in written word.

4. Self-disclosure and intimacy - for those who choose to participate in more of a "blind date" situation - i.e. you don't know what the person looks like and they don't know your appearance, as well - solely basing your feelings on divulging your inner self can be a complete turn-on. You have a raw connection that is not based on the superficial features of a person. For those who choose more of a match.com setting, the ease of typing what you're feeling without the same sense of guilt or embarrassment that you have with a physical meeting helps to build the intimacy as if you were in a private room with the person.


As I get older and busier, and without knowing exactly what the future holds, I believe I now understand and accept why millions of people are drawn to the ease of online dating. During my college years, I believed that online dating was a desperate step. It was low self esteem and lack of options that drove people online. It turns out I was wrong. According to a study by Kim, Kwon, and Lee, "individuals with high self esteem are more likely to use Internet dating services than are those with low self esteem when they are highly involved in romantic behavior" (Kim, Kwon, Lee, 2009) . This study is based off of three characteristics - sociability, self esteem, and involvement and concludes that it is those who are more social with higher self esteem and involvement with outside activities who are more likely to use Internet dating services as a tool to find romance.

It took about 20 minutes to set up a free profile for match.com. The site is definitely thorough, to say the least, with multiple pages of questions and preferences to make sure they're "matching you" with similar people. When I finally viewed my "potential matches", at first I was a little jaded. Pictures of men I wasn't attracted to lasted about four pages (sets of 16, I believe) until there was finally an image I liked. And he was perfect. Good looking, athletic, musical, had a job....and it only took me 30 minutes to get from A to B - not bad for an evening in. Truth be told that if I found myself in a position of not having a significant other, using a site like match.com would no longer be an issue. In truth, getting to email and make connections with men by uploading a few images and talking via Internet makes it sound pretty easy.

According to stats on ehow.com, over 120,000 marriages occur every year due to initial online encounters (retrieved from www.ehow.com/facts_5451763_online-dating.html). With that type of statistic, it leads one to believe that online dating can be successful and just as fruitful as blind dating or being set up by friends. Deeper research can done on how those marriages workout or the amount of people satisfied with the online dating experiences. There's also the issue of individuals using online dating for negative gains - either personal fulfilment in lying about themselves to gain positive feedback, using the more romantic site for a "hook-up", as well as taking advantage of a person for monetary gain. These concerns are all viable questions when it comes to the deeper problems of identity on the Internet. However, with those issues aside, people still continue to use online dating as a tool to meet potential love matches and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.


References:

Balle, J. Facts on Online Dating. Retrieved from www.ehow.com/facts_5451763_online-dating.html

Kim, M., Kwon, K., Lee, M. (2009).Psychological Characteristics of Internet Dating Services: The Effect of Self-Esteem, Involvement, and Sociability on the Use of Internet Dating Services. Cyberpyschology & Behavior. volume 12, number 4. Retrieved from gonzaga's online library.

Match.com. Retrieved from www.en.wikipedia.org/match.com

Thurlow, C., Lengel, L., Tomic, A. (2004) Computer mediated communication: social interaction and the internet. London: Sage Publications

Top 10 Dating Sites. Retrieved from www.top10datingsites.com

Why Do We Care?

"Kendal is no longer in a relationship"

It's not true - but I could post it on various social media sites. I could technically end my relationship with my boyfriend of 4+ years in a matter of moments. We don't need to talk...I can just update my facebook status. He'll see it. All our mutual contacts would see it. It'd be messy and public but in the end, would still suck. But hey, at least all 356 people would know. It's not as cruel as tweeting it, right? ....

We have become a society so self-involved that making sure we do the added step of pouring salt into the wound has become a necessity of stating publically our independence. Cruelly, we've lost control of respect and an old fashioned ettiquete of self restraint that makes it nearly impossible to succumb to. We do it because others do it. We post because they post because we post. We've started a vivious cycle that will probably only evolve into an even more touchy feely senstive subject that I'll be dealing with into my 70's. I must say I'm not looking forward to posting things such as "Kendal is widowed" or "Kendal is on her death bed". I can only hope that I do to my facebook what I did to my myspace what I did to my friendster and opendiary...get the hell out and actually call my friends and relatives!